I recently returned from a bioenergetic analysis retreat in Essex, MA. I went to find connection with other people and support my body that has been feeling very stuck. I found connection both with others and myself. It feels like a profound stillness and love. An awareness and joy in how every movement connects to another part of my body. It’s fluid and its strength and it’s joyful. A vital energy charge when humans come together fully available fully present. And I connected with parts of myself that accompany me through my life. The parts that didn’t integrate at the time; that didn’t get all the support they needed at the time. I saw myself in a he hospital bed giving birth to my son all alone. I felt the deep sadness of not having people who wanted to be with me, fear of not knowing what to do despite all the books, classes, and hypnobirthing I practiced, and anger at my powerlessness of that moment in my life. I felt vulnerable, exposed, weak, and so scared. Within my group, I was able to feel, be witnessed and be supported with what I need to heal. I was midwifed through my grief for what I lost. The ability to bear down and use my strength to birth my son. To be connected to my core and him. I was supported by the weight of another to bear down, feel my legs, my bottom, my core, give voice to the pain, the joy, and finally the profound sense of pride and gratification of completing something I felt was taken from me. Something I didn’t know how to do alone. Every step I’ve taken since the conference has been strong, engaged, joyful.